São diversas as suposições que sustentam as pessoas. Na duração da vida sem fim previsto há inevitavelmente na nossa mente um enredo de suposições que se não nos inquietam incomodam-nos os pensamentos. Num dia de 24 horas, isto porque o tempo é relativo mesmo sendo um facto (contradição?) ou numa semana de sete dias fomentam-se dúvidas e deduções hipotéticas que nos fazem crer que, de facto, questionamos quem e o que somos. Talvez haja quem não o faça o que a meu ver é possivelmente triste, porque viver sem perguntas é como não viver. Será?! E incrivelmente entre perguntas e indecifraveis respostas temos o displante de supormos o que não somos ou por receio ou por qualquer outra razão. Em conversas de café surgiu a questão do que somos afinal. Se o que nos define são as vontades, os desejos e os pensamentos então eu não sou quem supõe que seja. Mas se por outro lado eu sou os actos, as frases e as atitudes então talvez todos me conheçam facilmente. Poderemos ser também ambas as coisas? ... Há alturas em que me cubro de ideiais utópicos e creio nisto como em mim mesma, mas em outras não me parece que me definam pelas vontades e desejos que não mostro por convencionalismo e aparência. É uma constante busca pela essência do que somos e a insistência em definir quem não conhecemos. Então supomos: "E se...", "Se eu pudesse..." uma voz grita "Porque não podes?? Porque não fazes?" De repente revisto-me de desculpas e protego-me. No momento seguinte esqueço que as minhas questões nada mais foram senão fachada. Um embuste que me faz crer que sou capaz de questionar, é a farsa pessoal que me atenta e me desacredita. São falsos dilemas que eu procuro tornar verdadeiros para me definir por algo que também os outros crêem que seja. Talvez, talvez, talvez.
( Agora faz me falta mais conversas e suposições)
13 comentários:
Tenho medo que seja puramente aquilo que passo para os outros, isto é, aquilo que faço - e por maldita consequência, aquilo que não faço. É absurdo não nos sermos verdadeiramento, por inteiro e em particulares (porque não podemos ser pequenas entidades diferentes?uma multiplicidade de pessoas), só por medo de fugir ao conforto de tudo aquilo que esperam que sejamos. Por convencionalismo, não é? Comodismo, apatia, inércia, moda, normalidade.
Quero acreditar com tanta força que sou aquilo que penso que sou e aquilo a que a minha consciência tomaria forma se não ouvessem limites constragedores. Mas não sei o que sou então, porque o que somos afinal? A dualidade de tudo isto, talvez - e mesmo assim, por mais que a virtude esteja impreterível no meio, não creio que esta fosse a melhor opção, pois eu não quero admitir que sou de facto uma migalha daquilo que não faço; aceito somente a imensidão daquilo que me idealizo.
Só que a verdade é que não há verdades - quem saberá afinal?
Odeio ser constrangida e não fazer a completa correspondência daquilo que sou em pensamentos, desejos e vontades com aquilo que faço e não faço. Mas rídiculo e triste de tudo isto é ser eu mesma que ponho em meu obstáculo os mais rídiculos, inventados e cobardes limites.
Tânia.
Este é sem duvida o meu texto preferido até agora. Isto de trabalhares no call center tem trazido coisas boas hã??
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